My Best Friend Is An Idiot
by TwelveTurquoise12
Summary: Chiba keeps on mistaking others for Hayami. Hayami is not amused. He also accidentally hurts himself and Hayami has to look after him. Set in the Koro Q manga universe. ChibaHaya.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.**

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 **Warning: OOC Hayami and Chiba.**

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 **A/N: This is set in the Koro Q** _ **manga**_ **universe, so I advise you to read it first. You can read the translated manga on** _ **blazardragon**_ ' **s tumblr blog. Thanks to them for translating!**

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At first, Hayami did not think of Chiba as an idiot.

After all, he had fairly good grades, was polite and responsible, plus he was mature for his age.

She did think his hairstyle was a bit unusual but she got used to it quickly.

But not long later, she realized that Chiba Ryuunosuke was an idiot.

A lovable idiot who kept smashing into things whenever his bug was used.

Anyways, their bugs greatly helped them with long-ranged attacks, so Karasuma paired them up, training them as archers and snipers.

Because of their nature, they didn't talk much so there was an awkward silence between them at first. They just worked side by side, but on their own.

Well, that was until Hayami discovered the side effects of Chiba's bug.

The duo were practicing on the hill, hidden by bushes and trees. Hayami had a pair of binoculars to her eyes, watching the distant target. Next to her, Chiba steadied his scope.

"That's a far target," Hayami observed. She could barely see it clearly, let alone hit it.

"I can do it," Chiba replied simply.

Hayami gave a shrug, not really believing him. But if he wanted to try, then oh well, she would help.

So to her absolute surprise, the beam of light pierced through the target dead right in the bullseye. The girl was so shocked, she nearly dropped her binoculars.

"Wow," the words slipped out of her mouth without Hayami realizing it. "That's a good shot."

"It's my bug. The ability to see things at a distance," Chiba explained. "So thanks to my bug."

"But even if you can see the target, you still have to calculate the distance and shoot it," Hayami marveled. She stopped for a while before she said, "Respect."

It was quiet in the clearing when Hayami looked at the dimming sky. "It's sunset. We have to go."

"Alright," Chiba replied and Hayami packed her items, back facing her fellow classmate. She had almost finished when she heard someone smashing into a tree, followed by a low "ow".

Hayami spun and saw Chiba rubbing his forehead (he was careful not to disturb his bangs). Her eyes scanned the thick trunk of the tree, up to the foliage above. Hayami raised her eyebrows. The leaves blocked some light, but it wasn't dark enough to entirely miss a tree.

"Oof." Hayami watched as Chiba tripped on a root and face planted the ground, his cloak flapping then coming to a rest.

Somewhere on a tree, a crow cawed.

"Uh, do you need some help?" Hayami called out.

She could see Chiba trying to stand up, hands reaching out awkwardly. He stumbled and got hold of his rifle. "No," he announced decidedly.

"You sure?"

 _It's like he's blind,_ Hayami thought. _But that shot earlier was impressive, so how can he have bad vision?_

Chiba looked around, clutching his bag tightly. "Okay, I might need some help," he admitted after a few seconds.

"My bug enables me to see distant opponents, so that target counts as one of them. But in exchange, I can't see things near me," Chiba spoke in the direction where he assumed Hayami was.

(In fact, he was speaking to a tree. Hayami was not amused.)

"Is your vision that bad?"

Chiba shifted on his feet to face Hayami after she spoke. "Well, I can't even make you out clearly. If you don't talk, I might not be able to tell where you are."

Hayami blinked. "Well, that's bad. When does it wear off?"

"I have no idea," Chiba answered honestly. Everything was super blurry to him at the moment, and if he squinted, he could see a fuzzy blob which he believed was Hayami. He could not see her features but her voice seemed to be coming from that direction.

"Okay," Hayami sighed internally. "I'll lead you down the hill." She approached the boy, took his wrist and began to pull him along. "Your vision's hopeless," she told him.

"But I can see the campus. Koro-sensei's eating a pudding on top of the roof," Chiba could somehow see that through his foggy daze.

All Hayami could see were trees, roots, and vegetation in general. Chiba's bug was certainly useful for sniping, but he was terribly clumsy when it was activated.

The sky darkened further, the sun casting strange, twisty shadows on the ground. Hayami followed the dirt path, which was thankfully still visible. Behind her, Chiba staggered a bit, but could still keep his balance.

"I'm sorry for the trouble," Chiba apologized.

"Not a problem," Hayami muttered, despite the fact that she had to go slower because of dragging _someone_ behind her. It was no use blaming Chiba, anyway. He couldn't help it.

"Hayami," Chiba said suddenly. "I see some slimes and a bigger slime at three o'clock."

"If you can see it, it's far away, so hopefully it won't attack us," Hayami replied.

However, after a couple of minutes, they could hear a rustle of leaves nearby. Their footsteps became quieter until they stopped completely to listen.

"Don't move," Hayami uttered to Chiba as she let go of him and took out a pistol. On alert, the girl's eyes moved around, ready to fire.

The signature squeak of a slime caught her attention, and immediately, Hayami jerked her gun and shot at it. A few more slimes emerged, but due to their low levels, Hayami finished them off easily, reloading ammo into her gun. _Now we just have to head back-_

"I just lost track of that huge slime!" Chiba gasped, who had obediently not moved from his spot. "It might be coming-"

As if on cue, a gigantic, purple body crashed through the bushes, and a low, but still recognizable cackle sounded from it. A shiver of horror ran down the two's spine, and Hayami slowly turned around.

Hayami's eyes followed the slimy scales up to its beady eyes, which were squinting at her and Chiba. By the sheer size of it, it was easily ten levels higher than the duo. Hayami gripped her pistol in one hand, while the other found its way back to Chiba's wrist. It was a Fight or Flight situation.

The boss slime gave a resounding roar which reverberated throughout the forest, and Hayami quickly made her mind up.

"Run!" she yelled and dashed along the path, nearly yanking Chiba's arm out of its socket. The slime spat some goo on the road, blocking their route. Instinctively, Hayami sped towards the thick leaves, hoping the slime would be unable to see them.

Unfortunately, she was too slow. The slime swatted them and the duo soared in the air before they crashed landed in a bush.

The branches scratched their skin and clothes, but Hayami somehow managed to pull Chiba up as the slime shot balls of goo towards them. Chiba grabbed a gun with his free hand and fired at the slime (or where he thought it was). Hayami alternated between firing and running away, while keeping a hold on Chiba at all times.

After a while, Hayami had to use both hands to fire, and in the confusion and loud noise, she lost track of her partner. "Chiba?" she called, leaping on a rock to get a better view.

"Here!" he yelled. Chiba was blindly firing at the slime (to his credit, at least he could hit it), and his bug was still activated. Because of that, he couldn't see that the slime was aiming a stronger attack towards him, one that could lower quite a portion of his health bar. The worst thing was, he couldn't avoid the damage because he couldn't see.

"Look out!" Hayami practically screamed and barrelled towards Chiba, knocking him out of the attack range. The slime's attack smacked her in the stomach and she fell on the ground, going still. Chiba stumbled to his feet, breathing heavily.

"Hayami?" Chiba whispered, suddenly feeling very scared. He took a tentative step forward. "Where are y-AHH!"

The slime pushed him and due to him being on a slope, Chiba started to roll down. He tried to jut his rifle into the ground, but he was unable to. He held onto his bag and his gun for dear life, and then he slammed into a tree, which hurt but stopped him from moving further.

Before Chiba could even breathe, he felt something smack into him, knocking the air out of him. Something warm and heavy.

"Hayami?" he croaked again, and he could (thankfully) see the slime retreating. It meant that it was away from them.

"Mmm," was the soft reply above Chiba. Great, at least he knew where she was, even if she squashing him. Chiba gently tried to push her off, but he couldn't see, so he was as careful as possible. He knew he could accidentally touch her-

"Pervert!" Hayami suddenly yelped, and Chiba yanked his hands away from her as if he was burnt. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it, honest!" he cried in defense. He had no idea what he had done, but judging from Hayami's reaction, it wasn't good.

In a blink of an eye, Chiba's vision became normal again. In the dark, he could make out Hayami, who was sprawled across his lap, quite exhausted. A glowing red bar hovered above her, signalling that her health was dangerously low.

Chiba panicked but he forced himself to calmly take out a health potion and give it to Hayami. As she drank it, Chiba looked around him, and found that they were leaning against a big, sturdy tree which had stopped their descent down the hill. He fumbled about in one of the bags and found a lantern, which provided a little light.

He took a deep breath, enjoying the fact that he could see again. He felt bruises all over him but he attempted to remember what had just happened.

A slime had attacked them… they were running away and firing at it. Chiba knew Hayami had screamed "look out" and things turned completely chaotic after that.

Maybe the slime had wanted to attack him… and Hayami pushed him away and took the attack for herself.

Before the guilt could consume Chiba, Hayami opened her eyes and said sleepily, "You should take a health potion too."

"I was saving that one for you." Chiba knew there was only one health potion left.

"But your health bar isn't high either," Hayami told Chiba.

"Anyways," Chiba changed the topic. "We're lost and we need a way back."

"But we don't even know where the campus is," Hayami muttered.

"Maybe we can fire a signal for help in the sky using our guns," Chiba suggested, but then he looked into their guns. "We're out of ammo, though."

Hayami tried to sit up but she flopped back, out of energy. Chiba took the remaining health potion and placed it to her lips.

"No, you take it," Hayami insisted, and then her tone softened. "You idiot," she murmured.

They stayed like this for a while before Chiba gave up and climbed the tree. He was careful not to activate his bug, but even when using binoculars, he could not see the campus.

"I'm taking half of the potion, and you take the other half, okay?" Hayami called from down below. She had decided to stop their useless bickering by a compromise.

"Alright," he agreed. By the time he got down, the sky was nearly completely dark and Hayami looked way better than when Chiba had seen her before.

"Bad news: no sign of the building," Chiba informed her, as she handed the potion to him. Chiba downed it in one gulp, then said, "Well, I can activate my bug and see where the campus is."

Hayami gave him a look, and he could almost sense her rolling her eyes and saying _again?_. "We don't have much of a choice," he argued.

They stood up and Hayami took Chiba's hand, because she was sure that his wrist was probably sore after all that pulling. The two shared a glance, the ring of light around the lantern illuminating their tired faces.

"Here we go again," Hayami sighed.

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Karasuma felt like he needed a pay raise.

First, training a bunch of teenagers to defeat the Big Bad was bad enough.

Second, the Big Bad himself was a terrible nuisance.

Third, his students kept getting themselves into various dangerous situations.

Case in point, Okuda and Karma had attempted to brew a potion with deadly ingredients to poison Koro-sensei, and it had gone wrong. Karasuma had identified the potion as one that could change some biological parts of a creature, so it _could_ potentially kill the Big Bad. Unfortunately, when Okuda came back to her cauldron, she found out a portion of her potion was missing, so a creature must had drank it.

Karasuma had been scouting the forests, but to no avail. He returned to the campus with a few herbs he collected to neutralize the potion.

The campus was chaotic. A group of students were trying to assassinate the Big Bad using an elaborate trap someone made, a few curious students were peering at the murky purple liquid in Okuda's cauldron, while the more responsible ones were looking at the woods with concerned expressions.

"So?" Karasuma asked Kataoka. "Did anything happen?"

"Not much," Kataoka replied. "But the snipers aren't back yet."

Chiba and Hayami. Karasuma thought of them as serious and responsible, so it wasn't usual for them to be late. What if something had-

Right at the moment, a gigantic crash caught their attention. A squishy purple slime loomed above them, cackling, and two students burst out of the woods, panting and covered with goo.

"Stay back!" Karasuma commanded, and in three swift movements, he killed the slime with his sword. Sticky purple liquid was sprayed everywhere, and Karasuma wiped his sword on the grass. He approached the pair of disheveled students, who were staring at the slime's corpse dazedly.

"Are you two okay?" Karasuma asked, kneeling down.

"We're fine," Hayami breathed as she looked around her. She was very glad to be out of the woods.

"Yeah, we're fine," Chiba said to a rock. Hayami nudged him and hissed, "Karasuma-sensei's that way."

"Oh, sorry."

Karasuma handed out some handkerchiefs and asked, "What happened?"

"We were practicing on the hill," Chiba recalled as Hayami wiped the goo off her face. "My bug was activated so Hayami had to help me down, and we encountered this big slime on the way back."

"Chiba," Hayami informed him, "Your hair is a bit messy."

Chiba felt his bangs, and swept them back to their original position. He was thankful that Hayami respected his decision to hide his eyes and even helped him to do so, unlike some other meddling people.

"So the slime attacked us," Chiba continued. "It was way more powerful than the normal slimes."

"And bigger too," Hayami added.

"The slime hit us and we rolled down the slope, so we got lost. After that, I used my bug to locate the campus."

"And I dragged him back here. The end," Hayami finished.

With every sentence, Okuda's eyes grew wider and wider, and she lowered her head. "I'm sorry, it's all my fault. My potion caused the slime to mutate," the timid girl whispered.

Karasuma explained the Potion Incident to the sniper duo and they forgave Karma and Okuda. He added that Chiba's bug made him extra vulnerable so Hayami should take care of him.

"Why her?" Nakamura asked, who had been watching with interest.

"Because they work together and they compliment each other nicely," Karasuma replied.

By now, most of the class had gathered in a small circle around the sniper duo, mumbling among themselves. Hayami and Chiba were embarrassed that they were in the center of attention, and stared at the ground.

 _I look stupid,_ Chiba thought, referring to the purple goo all over him. But then he lifted his head (he had regained his vision by then) and saw that his classmates weren't looking at the goo.

They were staring at a spot between him and Hayami.

Chiba's eyes trailed down and found that his classmates were staring at his and Hayami's (still) intertwined hands.

At the same time, Hayami looked down at their hands too and their eyes met briefly. Cheeks burning, they jerked their hands away and pretended nothing had happened.

"So," Karasuma said in a business-like way to Hayami, "Please take care of Chiba and make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

"There's no need," Chiba muttered. He was beyond humiliated that his teacher thought he needed to be looked after like some four-year-old kid. Just because he could need some help didn't mean it was necessary.

"This is for your own safety."

"And you keep speaking to trees," Hayami popped in.

"Alright, alright," Chiba surrendered to the two who were glaring sternly at him.

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 **A/N: ...This is another silly, structureless Koro Q fic. It's on the crack side with some ChibaHaya. Don't expect a real plot, and this fic is mostly for your amusement.**

 **If I continue to write this, the chapters are probably going to be way shorter than this one (I can't afford another ongoing fic).**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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